Started thinking about looking for a home : Oct 3
Located property : Oct 5
Property is unique for it's size and location and it's ability to cash flow out the door. Parents are general contractors and could help bring it back up to a good state. Part of town I want to live in. REO and definitely underpriced for the neighborhood. Separable into two renting units.
First tour : Oct 6
Contacted realtor friends, RE investors for advice and feedback : Oct 7-13
Keep scrubbing for other properties; go over my own internal compass and doing due diligence: Oct 7-13
Realized that the home was right next to a rail line and started researching the market effects : Oct 8
Oct 13 : Bite the bullet and ask parents to come down and look at it.
Oct 16 : Parents drove down to see it and agreed with my impression. Decide to start the process and make an offer.
Oct 16 : Bought Buying A Home, the Missing Manual
and started reading.
Oct 18 : Reached out to friends who recommended their realtor. Reached out to one of my clients; a real estate law firm, and asked for their recommendation.
Oct 19 : Followed up with recommendations, contacted realtors.
Oct 20 : Law Firm replied with recommendation - emailed realtor; email back in 15m; and hour phone conference later that night.
Oct 21 : Pre-Qual almost done; met Realtor at property to do inspection and discuss next steps to make on offer on Oct 22.
She informed me that there was an offer accepted by the bank earlier that day. There was nothing I could do at that point but wait and see what happens.
This was a punch in the gut.
(By the way, I'm totally aware of the scope of the issue and the size of the relative suck - things could be far worse and I have a lot to be thankful for. Believe me, I'm aware of it.)
[Caveat - an offer accepted doesn't mean a home done - it means that after an inspection period, the buyers have to either move forward or let go of their offer. Even if they go on, there's still escrow, and plenty of other things.]
First; any more rapid movement from me may have resulted in a very different result. It's one thing when things just 'happen that way', but there's a feeling of personal culpability that's in the pit of my stomach.
Second; this was special in some very special ways - I can still keep an eye out for similar properties, but this really was a black swan -- this one would/could become a compound - 5br; 4br; two kitchens -- room for artistic space; plenty of friends to share; and entertaining space. Amazing location for public transit.
Third; I had a sense of clarity on this one. I was ready to move forward; and most of the constant insecurity/wishywashy nature had been put aside. It made sense; and I had solicited all the advice that I could - the rest was up to me making a informed gut decision. Any mistake made was recoverable; and, as Hollee put in a way that gave me lots of peace -- "It'll be an adventure."
Fourth; *stomps on the floor* I saw it first!
I've made a lot of personal progress this past few years; and I know the source of my emotions better now - and the choices I made. I also know that I've got tools to deal with the cricket-bat-of-disappointment; but there's a (childish) want to indulge them.
So I am. For 90 minutes. And then ... So I dont burden myself too much with others' expectations - or even my own expectations. I think your happiness grows in direct proportion to your acceptance, and in inverse proportion to your expectations. It's just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other - or doing the next right thing, so to speak.
- M. Fox (I adored this interview
Hollee and my parents offered a lot of advice that; depending upon your philosophy, were either platitudes; or gifts. (Since they were statements that I truly do believe, but forget in a less than skillful moment - I see these as gifts. )There's no point in being upset about it now.Just bad luck.Wait and see what happens.There are other places out there; and they might not be as amazing as this one, but that's okay.
And the one I want to write about :Things happen for a reason.
I'm not ascribing this to a large cosmic reason; or even anything supernatural; but most of the excellent things in my life have directly stemmed from adversity or arrived accidentally at my doorstep. The single best thing, Hollee, was a relationship that neither of us took seriously until far later; an accident. Finding Enigma was a coping mechanism for having moved back to UCLA and being totally disconnected with my classmates; they're like family to me now. My current gig at Hometown was preceded by uWink falling flat on it's own face- and my current gig has changed my life.
The reason is muddled; and it might even be Synthetic Happiness
; but if I learn something useful from this; something good comes of this.
So, what have I learned?
- Timeliness in Real Estate is more of a factor that I had expected.
- I (and to a lesser extent, those around me) spent too much time building a future home in our heads and getting excited - building expectations and hopes. It's human, and natural, but it leads to attachment - I'm feeling upset now because I'm hurt at losing something (and the idea that it was my fault) - the truth is that I never had anything, just a bunch of wishes. I started naming the place; and imagining a color scheme.
- Attachment can lead to dumb decisions. I was already starting to consider what I could do to outbid the current buyers (even though the bank isn't taking multiple offers) --- and blowing my financial budget out of the water. Unwise choice.
- Uncertainty sucks. If they had a closed sale offer right now, it'd be done, and I could mourn, and eventually move on. I have to wait --- and there's very little I can do. Except wait. And wait I shall - the excersize will be to move on with everything else in my life rather than obsessing over this.
- I'm better at accepting that something just happened [out of my control] than dealing with something that was in my control that I made a mistake at. This isn't a skillful behavior - beating myself up for mistakes is the best way to keep from taking chances in the future. (this is assuming that I'm in control of as much as I think, which is categorically wrong.)
There's more; but those are the ones I can put into words right now.
It was odd saying that -- 90 minutes to indulge -- but it's somehow easier to feel bad than it is to use the tools I've got to make myself feel better - not to deny those emotions; but to see that they're unskillful and not who I actually am. Maybe it's like breaking the diet one day to have a large piece of chocolate cake -- except that the chocolate cake is super-high in calories and doesn't even taste good. It's just ... familiar.
As far as the house, realtor's all over it; she'll keep checking with the bank until the inspection period has cleared and see if they back out. There's enough scary stuff that may come out of the inspection that might work to give me another shot. She's going to keep looking at comps in the area. I'm going to finish my pre-qual tomorrow AM so that we can have a followup or backup offer waiting in the wings.
I need to find some fliers about the rail line and make sure that they're visible to the inspectors at the property to make sure the current bidders are aware of this liability.
And then, I stop thinking about it.
Well, I've got 15 minutes left to indulge, but I've written a lot now; and I'm feeling better. Probably time to figure out the next best thing to do with my day.